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I spend
a lot of time
searching
for the words
I’ve not yet written.
There are
my footsteps
of a thousand miles
mapping
the empty lines
on the surface
of my notebook.
I wait there,
like a stranger
waits by a lighthouse
for a lover’s ship
to find home
from sea.
Patiently,
I descend
to madness…
I witness
a forming corridor
where I meet
my Ink
before
and after
his own birth.
His energy
chaotic
yet calm
haunting
yet handsome
ancient
yet also new,
timeless…
The walls
are cloaked
in darkness
where fear
and doubt
fester
in uneasy blood,
flowing
like a river
through
trapped
time
eternal…
Alone,
I stand,
a wanderer
a witness
a stranger
and a prince
unshielded
from the weather
of my fractured mind.
Hallways
of open doors
spill torrents
of untamed
traumas,
whose violence
cuts my cheek
like a snowstorm
of shattered glass.
My sanity
dissolves
into alphabet soup.
My senses
dull
to the biting cold.
My hope
crawls out
from shadows
clinging to my fingertips
longing
to be painted
into beautiful truths.
I find my feet.
I do not fight the tears
I let my heart pound
and my breath run wild.
I search
for the pieces
of myself
buried
so deeply
within
this chamber of time…
the playground
where I left
the first
love of my life
the death
of the friend
I lost in the night
the betrayal
of the man
that I called
my brother
and the loss
of a woman
that I called
my lover
30 years
of memories
I know too well
yet not enough.
But my fear is real…
That the madness
might grip my soul
and crumble me
like the ten-page
love letter
I never sent
my high school sweet heart.
That the doubt
might embrace me,
like a black serpent
squeezing so tightly
until I
am broken
and reborn
empty
with eyes black
lost,
in forgetful bliss…
To live
in this journal
is
to journey
to the honesty
hidden,
within the cracks
of the bathroom mirror.
Because,
only with that honesty
might I find the strength
to turn
loss
into love
and sorrow
into sunlight
and only
with love’s light
can I ever hope
to uncover
the beautiful worlds
of my mind.
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